I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
