thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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