thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize