I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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