I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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