OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
