you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
