Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
