i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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