My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
