I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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