how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
