my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
