I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
