The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
