you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
