even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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