I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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