In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
