I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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