What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
