Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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