It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
