these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
