i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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