I'm pants shitting drunk right now
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Green mimosas i think yes
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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