i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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