Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
