Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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