I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
