I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
