This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
