Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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