I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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