a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
