We won't sleep together?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
