this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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