I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
