Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
try to milk me bitch
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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