she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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