What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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