he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize