I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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