Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
