mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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