Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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