I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
