I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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