who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
