the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
