Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
