btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
