Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
