so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
