hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I faked an abortion last night.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
