So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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