My sheets look like a crime scene.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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