I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
