mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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