we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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