I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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