I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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