Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
