just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
