thus making me awesome and them whores
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
