also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
