Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
