Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
