Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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