I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
