I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
