I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
