I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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