hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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