You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
