In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
