Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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