it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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