It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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