I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
