Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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