called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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