The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
